I have been riding this high over the last month. I published an E-book. I have been marketing to the best of my ability, despite being a single mom and working a full time job. I’m trying to network and use social media to its fullest potential as best I can. I’ve also been editing and working on getting another book out there on the internet in the next few months. I have felt this wave of positive karma surging though my body and have loved every second of it.
Here is the kicker, remember that little Gremlin I wrote about earlier? Today he got very ugly and grew sharp fangs. The amount of authors I have been following on Twitter has made me realize just how much the market is saturated with writers. All of us trying to be discovered and successful, in whatever measure of success we all are aspiring for. So that little Gremlin reached over with a venomous claw and whispered sweet doubt and negativity in my ear. Sadly, this all came out in front of my boyfriend.
My biggest fear is making a decision that will make my children suffer, and my Gremlin feeds off that. So an innocent statement from him, of hopefully being able to focus full time on my passion some day, caused me to go off on a diatribe about my childhood, our struggles, and how I couldn’t possibly just jump ship from my job because I would lose my benefits. When he called me out and said my Gremlin was talking, I shut down and called it “reality”. Re-hashing all that I had been through to get me where I am today, and how I didn’t want my own children experiencing that, caused me to break down into a ball of tears… while seated at a Starbucks patio. It’s hard to believe that just a mere two hours earlier I was pumped and had contacted my talented sister and previous editor extraordinaire to get to work on my recent story.
Why am I sharing this story? To share how that Gremlin can creep up in the most unlikely of places. It doesn’t care where you are, or what you are doing. When it senses you might be heading down that path towards your dreams, it rears its ugly head, breathily sending messages dripping with gloom to nest in your cranium. As positive as I have been, sharing with others to face that scary creature, here I was succumbing to its charms. Luckily, I had my boyfriend there to snap me out of it.
I was able to slay my dragon today with some help. So my advice for everyone is, find that person in your life who won’t give up on you, who will call an apple an apple and force you to face your demons, no matter how scary. Facing your dreams are scary. The unknown can be frightening, but do you know what is even more frightening? Being an older man or woman, looking in the past and saying “I wish I had pursued….” “I wish I had gone after…” or “I wish I had dared to dream.”